The Derek Strikes Back

Super Wednesday!

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 10:51:54 GMT

With Claire McCaskill (D-MO) headed to the senate, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) becoming the first female Speaker of the House ever, the Proposition 2 Embryonic Stem Cell Research Amendment being passed, and the Democrats re-taking the House after 14 years and gaining equal ground in the Senate, it looks to be a Super rest of the week following Super Tuesday. The President will have a much harder time in his last two years trying to get his faith based initiatives and Iraqi War policies passed with checks and balances restored. I am going to bed now, the cocktail of Mountain Dew/pure joy/ and 8 hours of non-stop election coverage spanning 6 different channels has exhausted me.

Jam Nigga!!!

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 21:39:22 GMT

http://youtube.com/watch?v=omMZpj3yaD0

This may be the funniest thing ever concieved..next to "Borat" that is.

Tokyo Bids on Suri Cruise's Poop

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 03:00:10 GMT

Super Sentai Sporting Events

Japan has picked Tokyo to bid for the 2016 Summer Olympics, giving the capital a head start in an uphill race, half a century after the 1964 games which symbolized the city's rebirth. The Japanese Olympic Committee voted 33-22 to make Tokyo its candidate to host the country's fourth Olympics over a bid by the cosmopolitan southern port city of Fukuoka. Japan is expected to face stiff competition from possible rivals Bangkok, San Francisco, Madrid, Milan and New Delhi. Tokyo's own Olympics in 1964, the first in Asia, symbolized Japan's meteoric rise into an economic superpower from the ashes of World War II. Japan was also host to the Winter Olympics at Sapporo in 1972 and Nagano in 1998. A group of architects and developers has proposed to redevelop two existing 1964 Olympic complexes in the city center to turn one of them into an 100,000-seat main stadium. Either the media center or the athletes' village would be built in Tsukiji, home of the world's biggest fish market which the government has long tried to evict from prime real estate in central Tokyo. Seoul defeated Japan's Nagoya by a 52-27 vote to host the 1988 Summer Games. Japan's second city of Osaka spent four billion yen (34 million dollars) campaigning for 2008 only to muster six out of a possible 102 votes.

No word yet if Japan's national past times of tentacle raping young schoolgirls and giant mech fights will become an Olympic sports by 2016.

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Fine Art Has Finally Gone Down The Poop Chute

We may not know what Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter looks like on the outside, but her insides are about to become a little less mysterious. Turning "fine art" into what may be the most subjective term in the world, a bronze sculpture entitled Suri's Bronzed Baby Poop, inspired by Tom Criuse's spawn's first solid meal and the fecal matter that presumably followed, will go on display Wednesday. The sculpture will be at the gallery at least through September then will be up for auction on eBay, with proceeds going to the March of Dimes. Plaster replicas will also be for sale. Daniel Edwards, who previously brought us Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston, the sculpture of a very pregnant and very nude Britney Spears giving birth on a bearskin rug, is the man behind the idea, which, was also inspired by the successful children's book Everybody Poops. Thankfully The Capla gallery apparently knows that if you're going to showcase a replica of diaper detritus, you'd better have some darn good underlying social criticism or a tongue-in-cheek, wink-wink joke in mind. "It's partially a statement on modern media that 'celebrity poop' has more entertainment value than health, famine or other critical issues facing society and governments today," the Capla crew said in a statement, "and also the absurdity of the media coverage on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' new baby, Suri Cruise, which has reached stellar proportions, eclipsing far more notable events with more substance."

Remember when you had to get a degree in art history and actually have talent to get acclaim in the art community? Yeah I miss it too. It saddens me to know that I can make a few thousand bucks by shaping a Play Dough mold of Tara Reid's vagina and then call it "Art". It also kinda grosses me out to know that Tara Reid would let me too.

Haley Joel Osmet What Happened?

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 18:54:46 GMT

HE SEES...LEGAL PROBLEMS.

Haley Joel Osment has been charged with drunk driving and marijuana possession following his car crash in Los Angeles last month. He has also been charged with driving with a .08 blood alcohol level or higher and the infraction of driving under the age of 21 with a blood alcohol level of .05 or higher. The charges relate to his car crash last month, after Osment lost control of his Saturn and collided with a brick pillar in a Hollywood suburb. The young actor was treated for a broken rib and a shoulder injury at a nearby hospital.

But the bigger question here is where the hell has Haley's money gone? If he's riding around in a '95 Saturn then that's the crash is the least of his problems. Sounds like Osmet should see if he could get a few guest roles on his sister Emily's new t.v. show. or at least a sandwhich from the craft services table.

It's My Birthday Bitches!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:41:39 GMT

Word.

Now New and Improved!

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 02:03:16 GMT

Since the school year is starting up again and I now have a constant internet connection, I'm going to update regularly again. But now I think I will relate anecdotes about the news now and not so much me. We here at Derek-nation want to get at least two times more traffic that we do now, a.k.a. none, and I don't want to be a narcissist now do I? But here's something I have noticed, anime nowadays is a terrible stream of animated diarrhea. I see the same ten storylines over and over again, that's downright discouraging. It's gotten to the point theat I want to beat the creators of Eureka 7 across the face with a shovel. Which is why about two years ago being the animation nut I am, I got back on a healthy diet of good old American cartoons. It seems we are in the middle of a cartoon renaissance over here, with the likes of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends and The Venture Brothers among others. Okay enough ranting and stories about me. Bye.

Chloroform and Monopoly

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 20:17:24 GMT

Since last week my friends have been challeging me to games of monopoly, and for one straight week I have been king. Yes spending all that time in the seedy underworld that is SIUC's Monopoly undeground has opened the door to my inner talent of Monopoly, these games get intense and can last for up to 6 hours. These games are so intense they'll punch your balls off. I am the lord of Monopoly HA HA HA! I think it's because of that psychic soap I bought over the weekend at the psychic fair I went to, it was one of 6 fairs I went to all of which were on Saturday. Anyway I updated my deviant art webpage finally, there's a link on the front page of this here webpage so go check it out. And finally this big black guy walks up to me yesterday and gets two inches away from my face and says, "Do you have the time?" in a deep voice. Instantly I checked his hands to see if he was dousing a rag in chloroform. Becuase when guys approach you and ask for the time it only ends in being chloroformed and raped. So after I made damn sure I wasn't about to be apart of my own yaoi doujinshi I told him 3:30 and went on my way. It was pretty wiggy.

Awesome God

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 11:52:04 GMT

So Sunday was Easter and while I was in that weird multicultural church I began thinking. I love Jesus, as much asany man can love the son of God without being full blown gay. But I noticed the kids with their "Elfin Lied" and their "Cowboy Bebeop" don't like Jesus as much as they used to. So I sketched out ideas, we should give Jesus his own anime complete with full blown superpowers like the powers Wolverine and Cyclops from X-Men.......COMBINED!!! And have his twelve disciples turn into transforming dinobots called "The 12 Dinosciples", Judas will have Triceratops heat chain attack. And finally Jesus will say leet stuff like "I'm Jesus, LOL" and "Allz Ur D00ds are teh pwnt!!!11!!" when he defeats a demon. Or maybe he could teleport them to Hell and say "U g0tz telepwnt n00b!!11! I am teh Haxxorzs1!1". Just a thought, but I'd totally read the bible after watching "Jesus, lol!!1!!". I think I'm just throwing away good ideas now.

It's Morphin' Time!

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 04:42:51 GMT

So today we threw out the script to our new t.v. show "Invisible Power Rangers" and improvised what little we got to shoot. The whole beauty to the thing is that the action shots are just us shooting a field, and doing the voice over afterwards. We did this because A) we don't want to get sued for using power suits and B) we can't do martial arts for shit. Then it was Hawaiian night in the dining hall, there was shrimp. Really the only downside to an otherwise productive day is that my grandmother is in the hospital.

Super Sweet 16

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 18:34:01 GMT

So last night on the show that I do we talked about the show "My Super Sweet 16" among other things. The unanimous consensus is that no one should let their spoiled 15 year old daughter hit you in the face. We understand your rich and you love your ass of a daughter, but damn look at what you've done to her, she's threatening to hit you with a car if you don't have Ashlee Simpson ride into her birthday party on a moose! We all agreed unanimously that if we had a daughter we push her down some stairs if she talked to us like that. We also ghost rode the whip and put our stunna shades on.

I found the best podcast ever

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 13:55:01 GMT

It's re-teaching me the japanese I forgot from way way back in 7th grade. There's even a segment for buying things from vending machines. So should I ever need to get some used panties for a $1.50 I'm all set.

Don't You Know I Will Beat The Shit Out Of You?!

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 09:34:55 GMT

I'm da Juggernaut bitch! This movie made me laugh until I couldn't breathe. I won't be able to see X-Men 3 now cause everytime I see Juggernaut I will laugh till I pee myself. Oh man, from now on when I enter a room I will address everyone by screaming that I'm the goddamn Derek, bitch!

Check this out!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=k4qdX6_9XgI&search=juggernaut

In The Face!

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 08:14:21 GMT

The Vice President shot a guy in the face, old news I know but goddamn! What kills me is he never apologized for it and he didn't seem all that distraught over it. I say he's done this before, only a gangsta would not only admit it but be proud of it as well! I'd make a sarcastic comment as usual but I enjoy not being shot in the face. Because you know Dick Cheney's got nothing better to than to shoot dudes in the face who talk about that war and read our e-mails.

Sid Loves Poon.

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 05:37:15 GMT

I got a new room mate on Sunday, the good news is he's never here. The bad news is he smells like someone stuffed a balloon full of hair and then set it on fire. Damn Sid stinks, and who names their kid Sid anymore? He sounds like he comes out of Archie comic. Where does he go anyway? I wake up and he's asleep, I leave for class and get back and he's gone until six in the morning. I think he's out raping girls with his rich collection of Nazi era dildoes or something creepy like that. They probably call them Der Rapenstichk or some other weird fucking German word and they have like a lot of swastikas on them and run on coal power and the blood of white virgins.

I also got my conformation e-mail from the anime convention, looks like me and my buddy Mat are going to get a TON of useless crap in May. Cross your fingers on me getting Der Rapenstichk: The Manga.

Steelers!!!!!

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 07:24:09 GMT

My team won the super bowl, I'm as happy as a pig in shit. Also a bunch of the foreign exchange asian students tried to learn how to ride bikes on Friday. There were no survivors.

How Much Money Do You Have?!?!

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 22:33:58 GMT

All right enough is enough. I like like rap as much, if not more than the average person. But this "Look at my rims!" phase it's been going through for the last seven years has finally caused me physical pain. It's time to call an end to the trend known as "Bling" rap. We know you have ice, we know you have a Bently, bbut for the love of God rap about something that is worthwhile! And put a decent beat to it, you sound like you're taking a huge shit on a keyboard! The last straw came today when I saw Dre's new video for his song "Naomi", it's a good song but in it he has an aligator on a leash. You heard me, an aligator on a leash, and it doesn't end there because the gator is on a diamond studed leash connected to a diamond collar. Why do you need a gator in the video in the first place, and why does it need to be iced out? You think aboout today then give me an answer. Cuase I don't know, it mindfucked me to even try to comprehend it.

Library!

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:50:23 GMT

I have to update at teh library next to mah house. I can't get a wireless connection anywhere in this freaking city outside of an apple store! I'm starting to have internet withdrawl I'm shaking and turning purple right now, you just can't see it. Now how the hell am I gonna update my webcomic, when this place doesn't have a scanner? Maybe I'll ask Matlock, he seems to know a lot.

I am going to jump Snake River Canyon!!!!

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 20:36:40 GMT

On second thought no, no way in hell. It's just that I saw this documentry on Evel Knivel on the history channel last night. That man is the coolest man to ever live. He's the picasso of self endangerment and soing stupid stuff, jumping the Snake River Canyon in a 12 foot long rocket wrapped in an American flag puts then entire series of Jackass to shame! He's my hero, now. Next to Danielle at least, speaking of Danielle we really are going to have to Star Wars it out this weekend, I mean it this time. You call me A.S.A.P. And P.S. Happy New Year Bitches. Goose Callin' in the 2006!

Random/Deep Thoughts

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 20:43:29 GMT

You ever notice how the japanese band Gackt's name sounds like the sound you make when you're choking? My cousin just made me think of this, thanks a lot Danielle.

Finals Week, no one cares.

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 20:35:56 GMT

There was a time when I would stress myself out over finals to the point of being physically sick. I was too smart to let myself get lower than an "A". Now I'm not only smart but wise as well, right now I am typing from a Starbucks. I should be studying for the other two finals I have on Thursday, and why am I doing this? The wisdom comes in here so listen up: Stop Caring!!!! If you stop worrying and actually read in the semester at some point, trust me you'll remember enough to do a 10 question multiple choice test. Apparently everyone else has taken my advice to heart, because everyone has been out partying since this is the last week before the school closes up for the year. No one is studying, they're out getting massages, no joke they have free massages down here to d-estress you out for finals. I for one think I will join them. Dear God I love college.

P.S. I got a sticker on my exam earlier today that said I did a super job. Beat that rest of my English class!

Xbox 360 = Pain!

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 20:12:14 GMT

I went to my favorite store, Toy 'R Us two hours ago to get my sister a present today. About halfway there I realized that the Xbox 360 launched today, remembering back 4 years ago to the madness that ensued when I got the original Xbox I almost turned the car around. But I was halfway there and I wanted to surprise my sister with that doll bathtub she'd been eying. So I went, for her. I got there and guess what? No freaking parking! After getting I see two long ass lines leading out of the video game area, one for normal purchases and one for 360. That store was packed to capacity! There were no boxes left, people were holding onto them like it was a cooler with their liver in it. Others were trying to buy them off of people, it was nuts. A fight almost broke out over the last three put out, no doubt reserved ones not picked by their deadline. It was loud and painful, but not like last time when I was almost trampled in the rioting line. Who riots for joy anyway?!?! They broke out the nerf guns on us, to calm the crowd down. And to stop the fights over leftover Xboxes. On another note the entire store was packed, yes these were parents who took off of work to get Christmas toys! Don't get me wrong I'd do it in October to avoid what happened today, but still it's not even Thanksgiving slow down and only buy one cart of merchandise at a time if you're going to start now. Don't do it all then have to keep hiding stuff from Timmy for a month. Parents need to stop stressing out so much this time of year and just be happy they even have a family to buy for.

I've Been A Very Busy Boy

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 07:44:20 GMT

Yes it's true I've actually been working on schoolwork! Feel free to gasp now in shock. They've been inundating us with work down here before we leave for Thanksgiving later today. And all my other free time has gone to trying to write a new movie of mine called "Battle Fever". Yes I know it's the name of a super sentai show, but damn that now! With a mane like that you know someone's ass is gettin' cracked, and I know you love movie violence as much as I do. Any who I'm really looking forward to going home and hanging out with my best buddy/cousin Danielle and my grandma. The only problem, I won't see my college friends or the object of my affection, the zenith in female beauty Jessica Dieckhaus for over a week. oh well, you gotta break a few eggs to get an ham sandwich.....

Happy Halloween Bitches!

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 05:43:03 GMT

I had to say something. It's the best freakin' holiday ever!
Free Candy YEAH!!!!!

No means no!

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 02:59:05 GMT

I just saw the remake of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre", two words: Fucking Hilarious. Unlike Mirror Face, Leather Face just isn't that scary this time around. Especially after Jessica Biel does the funniest thing I have seen in a movie all year. She leaps out of a locker at him and screams "NO!" over and over again as she hacks off his arm with a meat cleaver. Wow. And he screamed, as he rightfully should have, but the combination cleaving, screaming no, and him screaming made for one funny scene. Out of nowhere she just up and attacks him from out of a locker like a rape victim, and takes off leaving his chainsaw arm still on the chainsaw. Jessica Biel should have died, she got the other four kids killed by going to that house in the first place.

The Incredible Squirrel

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 21:32:40 GMT

It's still hot down here where I am, so today I took a nap up against a tree. I woke up an two hours later and there was this squirrel looking at me, I have never seen a more pissed off tiny mammal in my life. He literally had his eyebrows furrowed as he stood a foot away from me. He stared me down with two very big nuts in his mouth, like I was leaning against his door and he had little squirrelly groceries he had to put away. This was no big squirrel either, bigger squirrels have run from me. But not him. We stared off like this for three minutes. Then he charged at me and did one of those Tom Brady juke moves and criss crossed past me and up the tree into his squirrelly hole. Never dropped a nut from his mouth, this was one hard ass squirrel. He was the Incredible Hulk of squirrels.